ANAL SEX:

I'M NOT A PRUDE BUT I DON'T GET ANAL SEX,
ESPECIALLY STICKING YOUR TONGUE UP IN THERE.
I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE, THAT YOU'RE
GOING TO GO THROUGH BOTTLES OF LISTERINE,AND
MAYBE SOME ANTI-BIOTICS, FOR WEEKS MAYBE EVEN
MONTHS...NEVER TASTE A BEHIND BEFORE IT'S TIME
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS.

ANDREW ZIMMERN SAYS IF IT LOOKS GOOD EAT IT,
I SAY IF IT LOOKS GOOD...TAKE A PICTURE...IT LAST LONGER!
I WISH I HAD TAKEN A PICTURE OF THIS GREAT ASS I SEEN,
THERE WOULD BE NO MORE LONELY NIGHTS.
DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

I UNDERSTAND THAT IN THEORY IT MIGHT FEEL GOOD
TO HAVE 10 INCHES RAMMED UP YOUR ASS. BUT IT SEEMS
TO ME WHEN THE BANGING BEGINS IT WOULD PRESENT
PROBLEMS.
HEMMROIDS,CONSTIPATION,LOCKED BOWELS AND
THE WORSE THINGS OF ALL...WHEN YOUR HEAD GOES
THROUGH THE HEADBOARD,YOU RISK A CONCUSSION,
AND THE SCREAMING MY GAWD THE SCREAMING!

WAKING UP YOUR NEIGHBORS, THAT'S JUST DOWN
RIGHT INCONSIDERATE.
DAMN! I CAN STILL HEAR THE SCREAMS TO THIS DAY.
THANK GAWD WE WERE ONLY FRIENDS, WHO WOULD
PLAY CHESS SOMETIMES, OR I'D BE WALKING FUNNY.

THE ONLY THING THAT'S BEEN UP MY ASS IS A THERMOMETER
AND AS I REMEMBER I WASN'T CRAZY ABOUT THAT.
I'VE LIVED NEXT DOOR TO THE BACKDOOR MAN,
THE SCREAMING THAT WENT ON, WAS STRAIGHT OUT
OF A HORROR MOVIE. MY GAWD! ON A RAINY NIGHT,WITH
THUNDER AND LIGHTNING, ALL THAT WAS MISSING WAS
FREDDY KRUEGER. SOMETIMES I POPPED CORN,TO CALM
MY NERVES.
THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES ED.

ED I THOUGHT YOU WERE A KILLER
FOR A MINUTE, BECAUSE I NEVER SAW
THE SAME WOMAN TWICE.OH A COUPLE OF
TIMES I RAN INTO A FEW OF YOUR CONQUEST
AND THEY WERE WALKING FUNNY LIKE THEY
HAD BEEN F##KED BY A HORSE.NOW I KNOW YOU
WERE GIVING THEM BACKDOOR LOVE,
AND THE REASON I NEVER SAW THEM AGAIN IN MOST
CASES IS THAT,
THEY ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITAL THE NEXT DAY.

YOU WERE PACKIN', I COULD TELL YOU WERE HUNG
LIKE A TELEPHONE POLE...OUCH!
HOLY MOTHER OF MOSES! WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT
ANAL SEX ON THIS LOVELY SUNDAY AFTERNOON?

AND I HAVE THE NERVE TO THINK I'M NORMAL...