MASTERBATION:
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVE
THIS ON MY MIND? IT'S NOT LIKE I DO
IT OR ANYTHING.

WOMEN ,THERE IS A NEW WAY OF MASTERBATING,
SIT DOWN DON'T GET EXCITED,STOP SALIVATING
CALM DOWN!

IT'S CALLED THE SLIP N' SLIDE,WILL YOU PLEASE
CALM DOWN,IT MAY NOT BE FOR YOU.

WARNING: THIS COULD RUIN YOUR BED,BATH& BEYOND
COLLECTION.

YOU WRAP A BUNCHED UP TOWEL WITH SARAN WRAP,
AND LUBRICATE IT WITH A SAFE OIL. ARE YOU GETTING HOT?
PLACE IT BETWEEN YOUR LEGS ALONG WITH A FEW PILLOWS,
UNDER IT.
SQUEEZE VERY TIGHTLY WITH THE SARAN WRAPPED TOWEL,
ALMOST WORKING IT'S WAY INTO YOUR VAGINA.

A ROCKING MOTION AS YOU GO BACK AND FORTH WILL
GIVE YOU A SERIOUS ORGASMIC EXPERIENCE.

ADDING SARAN WRAP TO THE GROCERY LIST,
I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE.
I PREFER ALUMINUM FOIL IT SEEMS SAFER
PLUS IT'S SHINY,AND ISN'T,IT A MINERAL?
I KNOW SOME OF YOU LIKE IT
ROUGH, BUT NEVER EVER USE SANDPAPER...
TALK ABOUT "LOVE BEING A HURTING THING."

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT...