BY YOUR EMAILS, YOU GUYS ENJOYED
MY TEEN AND EARLY 20'S ANGST.
NOW YOU WANT A PEEK AT MY CHILDHOOD?
HOLD ON IT'S GOING TO BE A BUMPY RIDE!

1.MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD MEMORY OF MY DAD IS,
HIM WALKING ME TO KINDERGARDEN,HE
WAS IN THE ARMY AND CAME HOME.
WHILE WE WERE WALKING I WAS SUCKING
ON A PIECE OF PEPPERMINT,AND IT FELL
OUT OF MY MOUTH. I BENT OVER PICKED IT
UP AND POPPED IT BACK IN MY MOUTH.

OOPS! MY DADDY SLAPPED ME , I STARTED
CRYING,THEN HE TOLD ME DON'T YOU EVER
EAT ANYTHING THAT'S BEEN ON THE GROUND.
THANKS DADDY I PROBABLY DIDN'T GET A LOT
OF CHILDHOOD DISEASES BECAUSE OF THAT SLAP.

2.I ONCE SAW MY STEP DADDY AND MY MOTHER
TAKING A SHOWER TOGETHER,NOT TO MENTION
THE PORN PICTURES I FOUND SNOOPING AROUND IN
HIS DESK. I'M STILL HAVING ISSUES OVER THAT,
IT WASN'T THE PRETTIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN.
I REMEMBER THINKING WHY DOES THAT WOMAN
HAVE HER LEGS OPEN AND SMILING. I WAS TAUGHT
A GIRL CROSSES HER LEGS...IT WAS MIND BOGGLING,
I GET IT NOW!

3.MY OLDER SISTER ONCE HAD SEX WHILE I WAS IN THE
ROOM SHE WAS A TEENAGER...THOSE HOT ASSES!

SHE AND HER UGLY BOYFRIEND WAS ON THE SOFA
AND SHE SAT ME IN A CHAIR TURNED AWAY FROM THEM,
AND TOLD ME NOT TO TURN AROUND.
I DON'T REMEMBER ANY MOANING OR GROANING
I GUESS I FILLED MY MIND WITH CANDY THOUGHTS.
I SHOULD HAVE TURNED AROUND...DAMN IT! THEN AGAIN...

4.I TOOK $5.00 OFF MY MOTHERS DRESSER DRAWER
I WAS 6 AND TREATED ALL MY FRIENDS TO CANDY
MY MOTHER WON'T LET ME LIVE IT DOWN TO THIS DAY.
THE FUNNY THING IS, A BLIND WOMAN LIVED NEXT
TO US SHE ALSO GAVE ME PIANO LESSONS,WHOOPED
MY ASS.I MUST HAVE BEEN A STUPID ASS KID TO NOT
HAVE SENSE ENOUGH TO HIDE FROM BLIND WOMAN.
HEY! I DON'T REMEMBER GETTING CHANGE,
WAS I RIPPED OFF AT SIX? :(

5.OKAY THIS IS EARLY TEENS,THE STREETERS OH MY!
THE STREETERS LIVED NEXT DOOR,4 GIRLS AND ONE BOY.
THE OLDEST GIRL AND I WERE THE SAME AGE,BUT WE
DIDN'T LIKE EACH OTHER. EVENTUALLY DIANA AND I
GOT INTO A FIGHT,I DON'T REMEMBER ABOUT WHAT.
I KICKED HER ASS AND GAVE HER A BLACK EYE, A WEEK LATER
HER FRIEND JENNY PAYED ME A VISIT.:(

I WAS ON THE PHONE TALKING TO MY LOVE INTEREST
BACK THEN,I DON'T REMEMBER THE CONVERSATION,
BUT WE WERE IN LOVE...PROBABLY MAKING PROMISES
THAT BOTH OF US WAS TOO SCARED TOO KEEP.

ANYWAY THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR MY NIECE
ANSWERS IT AND JENNY IS ALL OF A SUDDEN
OVER ME LIKE WHITE ON RICE. SHE KICKED MY ASS AND
MY LOVE HEARD THE WHOLE THING ON THE PHONE.
I MANAGED TO FINALLY GRAB THE PHONE,I SAID
I'LL CALL YOU BACK, I'M KINDA BUSY.
DON'T BOTHER CALLING JENNY AT 867-5309
SHE'S NOT THERE!

YEARS LATER I HEARD JENNY WAS SHOT TO DEATH,
I DIDN'T DO IT, I SWEAR! I DON'T HOLD GRUDGES.

6.ONCE US KIDS WERE PLAYING AT MY SISTERS MOTHER
IN LAWS HOUSE,IT LOOKED LIKE THE ADDAMS FAMILY
HOUSE. GERRY WAS THE MOTHER OF THE HOUSE SHE
HAD 13 KIDS, YEA THERE WAS ALWAYS KIDS TO PLAY WITH.

GERRY WAS MEAN, SHE MADE HANNIBAL LECTOR LOOK
LIKE AN ANGEL. SHE WOULD MAKE HER KIDS TAKE OFF
ALL THEIR CLOTHES WHEN THEY F#%*KED UP,
THEN AND ONLY THEN WOULD SHE BEAT THEIR ASS.

WELL ONE DAY SOME OF US KIDS DECIDED TO GO UP IN
ATTIC. YOU COULDN'T STAND UP, BUT ONE OF HER
DAUGHTERS DD SAID LOOK I CAN STAND UP! THE MOMENT
SHE SAID THAT SHE WENT CRASHING THROUGH THE
CEILING. I WAS SO USE TO BEING THE ONE WHO
WAS ALWAYS IN TROUBLE,I GOT THE HELL UP OUT OF
THERE. I RAN FOR DEAR LIFE AND SAT ON THE PORCH
SKINNY LEGS AND ALL.

THAT WAS MY FIRST HAND AT SONG WRITING
THAT'S ANOTHER STORY,YEA I WROTE A SONG
THAT CHARTED ON BILLBOARD,BUT I DIGRESS.

I WROTE "YOU GUYS IN TROUBLE THAT MAKES
IT DOUBLE BUT I'M IN THE CLEAR".
AND SAT ON THE PORCH WAITING
FOR GERRY TO COME HOME FROM WORK,
AND WHOOP SOME ASS. KIDS BACK THEN
ALWAYS LIKED FOR SOMEBODY TO GET
THEIR ASS WHOOPED AND WAS GLAD IT
WASN'T THEM.
I PROBABLY GOT IN TROUBLE TOO.
I DON'T REMEMBER THE ENDING,I HAVE
A TENDENCY OF BLOCKING THINGS OUT

ALWAYS HAVE...IT WORKS FOR ME.


HEY! THIS IS KIND OF CATHARTIC:)

UNFORTUNATELY THERE'S MORE,
STAY TUNED.