HAPPY THANKSGIVING...
TO MY SWEETIE ON THE EAST COAST,
AND TO ALL OF THOSE WHO LOVE ME.

THAT SHOULD COVER EVERYONE.:)

CO-WORKERS
THE REASON I HATE WORK.

THOSE BACKSTABBING,SMILE IN YOUR FACE
BASTARDS! WHERE DO I BEGIN?
MY FIRST JOB WE ALL HAD LOCKERS,
AND SOMEONE STOLE MY LEATHER JACKET.
WE GAVE EACH OTHER GREAT CHRISTMAS
GIFTS...FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
MOM GAVE IT TO ME FOR CHRISTMAS, IT WAS
SPECIAL, SHE USUALLY GAVE ME 5 BUCKS
AND TOLD ME HOW LUCKY I WAS TO GET THAT.
I THOUGHT I WAS SO COOL WHEN I WORE
THAT JACKET, WE WERE ONE.
DON'T WORRY I STILL GREW UP TO BE COOL..

AND THE IN-BETWEENS WEREN'T PRETTY.
RECORD SHOP MANAGER, THE GUY COULDN'T PAY
ME AND TOLD ME I COULD HAVE ALL THE STOCK.
THEN CALLED THE POLICE AND SAID I STOLE THE STUFF.

MOVIE EXTRA,IT WAS FUN FOR A WHILE, UNTIL
SIDNEY POITIER CRUSHED MY SPIRIT.THEY HAD TO RESHOOT
BUT I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE WITH A BIG MOUTH.
YET HE DIRECTED HIS ANGER TOWARD ME. MAYBE
BECAUSE MY BROTHER IN LAW WAS ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
AND FIGURED I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.
I COULD HAVE BEEN A STAR...THANKS SIDNEY
YOU POMPOUS BASTARD...

COURIER, I WENT A LOT OF PLACES AND MET A
LOT OF GREAT PEOPLE INCLUDING MUHAMMAND ALI,
COUNCILMEN,GOVERNORS,AND ONE TIME I SAW
MORGAN FAIRCHILD WITHOUT MAKE UP
AT A MOVIE STUDIO...IT WASN'T PRETTY.
GOOD LORD! IT MADE ME WONDER HOW
JACLYN SMITH LOOKED WITHOUT
MAKEUP...I HAD A GIRL CRUSH ON HER.

MY LAST STINT WAS AT AT&T IN 2000,
TALK ABOUT CUT THROATS.
THERE WAS MR. BRIEFCASE WHO HAD A
DESK NEXT TO MINE.
A COUPLE OF CO WORKERS SAID HE MADE
A NASTY COMMENT ABOUT ME.

THE WEEK BEFORE HE WAS SHOWING
EVERYONE HIS WEDDING PICTURES.
WHEN I FOUND OUT WHAT HE SAID ABOUT
ME IT WAS ON...
I TOLD PEOPLE HOW KIND I WAS LOOKING
AT HIS WEDDING PICTURES,WHEN I WAS
THINKING HIS WIFE LOOKS LIKE A GORILLA
IN A WEDDING DRESS.

HOPING IT WOULD GET BACK TO HIM, HE QUIT
OR GOT FIRED. HE CAME IN ONE DAY TO PICK UP
HIS LAST CHECK. I WAS TALKING TO A CUSTOMER
WHEN HE WALKED BY,I PUT THEM ON HOLD AND
LET LOOSE MY TRUCK DRIVER POTTY MOUTH. I COULD
HAVE SHOVED THAT BRIEFCASE UP HIS ASS.
I THINK I TOLD HIM HOW MANY WAYS HE COULD
F##K HIMSELF. ANYWAY HE APPOLOGIZED FOR
WHAT HE SAID,AND THAT WAS THE END.

I KIND OF FELT BAD SAYING HIS WIFE LOOKED
LIKE A GORILLA IN A WEDDING DRESS, IT'S
NOT LIKE I WAS LYING,WELL SHE DID...
I WANTED SO BAD TO TELL HIM TO TELL MAGILLA
I SAID HI,BUT LIKE I SAID HE APPOLOGIZED.

DUDE I FORGOT YOUR NAME,NOTHING'S WRONG
WITH HOT MONKEY LOVE,I BET YOUR KIDS
ARE GOOD AT CLIMBING. AND I HOPE YOU AND
MRS. MAGILLA ARE LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER...:)

THINGS I'M GOOD AT...

????????????????????
I'M THINKING...?????
GOT DAMNIT! I'M STILL THINKING ??????
SCRATCHING HEAD...
OH YEA, I KNOW HOW TO...NO THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT.
BUT I REALLY KNOW HOW TO...
NO THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT EITHER.

I MUST HAVE SOME TALENT, OH YEA,
I CAN GET ON YOUR NERVES IN A NEW YORK MINUTE.
I CAN RUN YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE UP SO HIGH,
THAT YOU'LL QUALIFY FOR DISABILITY. HEY IT'S AN
ART,BUT IT'LL COST YOU...NOTHING'S FREE IN THIS WORLD,
I HAVE REFERENCES...CALL ME.:)

AM I BLUE...

I'M HAVING AN INNER EAR PROBLEM
AND SOMEONE SUGGESTED MESOSILVER.
IT'S LITERALLY SWALLOWING LIQUID SILVER IT'S
SUPPOSE TO BE LIKE AN ANTIBOTIC,AND HELPS
THE IMMUNE SYSTEM FIGHT INFECTION.
IT COST 29.95+S&H IT CAME TO 35.00. MY HMO
IS GOOGLE.

OPRAH HAD A SHOW ABOUT A GUY WHO DRANKED
LIQUID SILVER AND HIS SKIN TURNED BLUE,
BUT HE DID DRINK EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS.
GOT DAMNIT! TALK ABOUT RISKY BUSINESS...

I TELL YOU WHAT, IF MY CARMEL COLORED SKIN
TURNS BLUE,SOMEBODY'S IN BIG TROUBLE!
NOW THAT WE HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT, I CANNOT
AFFORD TO TURN BLUE. WHAT WILL I BE SHOUTING
AT THE INAUGURATION...BLUE POWER?:(

PROPOSITION 8...
THANKS A LOT YOU HOMOPHOBIC,JUDGEMENTAL,
SELF RIGHTEOUS BASTARDS,
YOU HAVE WRECKED BABYGIRLS PLANS.

FIRST I WAS GOING TO PERSUADE BEYONCE
TO LEAVE JAY-Z AND RUN AWAY WITH ME
AND GET MARRIED. AFTER I DRAINED HER
BANK ACCOUNT, I WAS MOVING ON TO HALLE BERRY,
AND AFTER HER MONEY WAS GONE, I WAS GOING
AFTER THE BIG O, YES OPRAH WINFREY.

SHE DOESN'T LOVE STEDMAN, AND YES I'VE
SEEN HER WITHOUT MAKEUP VIA THE COLOR PURPLE.
I COULD HANDLE IT,THAT'S WHAT LIGHT SWITCHES
AND SUNGLASSES ARE FOR...

NOW I HAVE TO PUT OFF MY PLANS AND GO
BACK TO RELYING ON THE LOTTERY, IT'S NOT FAIR!
WHY CAN'T I HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO?:(

MY PRESIDENT JUST WROTE ME A LETTER...


Michele -- I'm about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there, but I wanted to write to you first. We just made history. And I don't want you to forget how we did it. You made history every single day during this campaign -- every day you knocked on doors, made a donation, or talked to your family, friends, and neighbors about why you believe it's time for change. I want to thank all of you who gave your time, talent, and passion to this campaign. We have a lot of work to do to get our country back on track, and I'll be in touch soon about what comes next. But I want to be very clear about one thing... All of this happened because of you. Thank you, Barack


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YOU'RE WELCOME.:)

I'M EXCITED TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN THE
NOMINATION OF THE FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT.
HOWEVER I'M ESTATIC AT THE FACT THAT
WE WILL HAVE A FIRST LADY NAMED MICHELLE.
WE ROCK!

OH HAPPY DAY!
I JUST RECEIVED MY OBAMA/BIDEN T-SHIRT
TODAY AFTER A MONTH OF WAITING.
I WISH IT WASN'T WHITE, I'VE NEVER BEEN
ABLE TO WEAR ANYTHING WHITE WITHOUT
GETTING A STAIN ON IT.

I'M GOING TO TRY MY BEST TO KEEP IT STAIN FREE,
OH OH, I'M HAVING BARBEQUE RIBS TODAY WITH
THE BEST SAUCE IN THE WORLD(BIG BOB GIBSONS)
CORN ON THE COBB DRIPPING IN BUTTER,A SALAD
WITH RUSSIAN RED DRESSING AND CHOCOLATE
ICE CREAM FOR DESSERT.
THAT'S A LOT OF BULLETS TO DODGE.:(

UPDATE:
DAMN IT ALL! WHY DID I THINK THINGS WOULD
BE DIFFERENT THIS TIME? I COULDN'T PULL IT OFF,
IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THE 12 BEERS THAT I HAD
THAT WAS THE CAUSE OF SO MANY STAINS.
MY GAWD IT WAS LIKE I WAS A STAIN MAGNET.

I SWEAR OTHER PEOPLES STAINS JUMPED ON TO MY
WHITE TEE. I LIKE TO HUG JUST LIKE THE NEXT PERSON
I'M NOT A COLD HEARTED SNAKE, BUT WHEN SOMEONE
HAS A WHITE TEE ON BE CAREFUL.

I'VE COUNTED AT LEAST 5 STAINS THAT I CAN IDENTIFY.
BAR-B-QUE SAUCE
BUTTER
DIRT
CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM
LIPSTICK
LIPSTICK...WHAT! DID I GET MY FREAK ON,
DID I COME OUT THE CLOSET?
I DON'T REMEMBER...
DIRT...WHAT! WAS I PLAYING IN THE DIRT,
ACTING COUNTRY?
I DON'T REMEMBER...
I ONLY HAD 12 BEERS DAMN, DON'T TELL ME
I'VE REACHED THE AGE WHERE I CAN'T HANDLE
MY LIQUOR.:(

I DO REMEMBER HAVING A
CLOSE ENCOUNTER WITH A TREE.
OH GAWD, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK OF THE
THINGS I MIGHT HAVE DONE.
DID I CLIMB IT?
DID I USE IT AS A TOILET?
WAS I TRYING TO CHOP IT DOWN BECAUSE IT WAS IN MY WAY?
WAS I HUGGING IT LIKE IT WAS MY MAIN SQEEZE?
I'LL NEVER KNOW UNLESS IT ENDS UP ON YOU TUBE...