BUTT CRACKS...

IN THE LAST MONTH I HAVE SEEN TWO
WHITE BUTT CRACKS,AND THEY'RE ALWAYS
FAT BOYS. IT ISN'T A COOL LOOK ANYMORE
DICK HEADS. EVEN OBAMA ARE TELLING TEENS
TO PULL UP THEIR PANTS.

WE KNOW ABOUT PLUMMERS ASS CRACKS,
WELL THEY DO BEND PRETTY LOW...

I SWEAR THE NEXT TIME I SEE AN ASS CRACK
I'M GOING TO SCREAM "COVER THAT SHIT UP"
NOBODY WANTS TO SEE YOUR NASTY ASS,GAWD,
JEBUS, HOLY MOTHER OF SOLOMON'S SECOND COUSIN
UNCLE'S SISTER!

TWITS...
WHAT'S UP WITH THIS TWITTER
BULLSHIT? I DON'T GET IT, ASKING
PEOPLE WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

GUESS WHAT, THERE'S A MAJORITY
THAT DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN...GEEZ!

IF YOU WERE TO BUG ME AND ASK ME
WHAT I WAS DOING EVERY MINUTE,
I WOULD HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU,
AND THROW YOUR COMPUTER IN A RIVER.

I CAN SEE LOVERS KEEPING UP WITH
EACH OTHER.
TEENAGERS HOOKING UP.
OLD LADIES FALLEN AND CAN'T GET UP,
BUT SHE CAN'T TWITTER CAUSE SHE'S
ON THE FLOOR.
HAS THE WORLD GONE NUTS?

BESIDES YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW
WHAT I'M DOING EVERY MINUTE.
YOU WOULD BECOME A POTENTIAL
ACCESSORY TO...
OR BE IN A POSITION TO BLACKMAIL ME.
TALK ABOUT EVIDENCE...
ABOUT TWITTER...QUOTING WHITNEY HOUSTON,
"OH HELL TO THE NO"

I KNOW IT'S ONLY ROCK & ROLL
BUT I LIKE IT...

I THOUGHT I WOULD LIST THE CONCERTS
I'VE BEEN TO, WHILE I STILL KINDA REMEMBER.:)

ROD STEWART: I WAS SO CLOSE THAT HIS SWEAT
TOUCHED ME, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE BELTED
OUT "HOT LEGS" I REMEMBER THIS CONCERT,
BECAUSE I WAS A NEWBIE AND DIDN'T REALIZE
THAT YOU HAVE TO BE STONED TO ENJOY ROCK & ROLL.

QUEEN: THIS SON OF A BITCH TOLD ME THESE TICKETS
WERE GREAT SEATS. QUEEN LOOK LIKE ANTS ON STAGE
THAT WAS THE FIRST AND LAST TIME I WAS RIPPED
OFF BY THE MAN.

AC/DC: I REMEMBER THIS CONCERT, I WAS SUPPOSE
TO MEET A HOTTIE THAT NIGHT. WHO I PROCEEDED
TO AVOID ALL NIGHT. HEAD BANGING ROCK&ROLL,DRUGS
AND HOTTIES,IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH! I GUESS I COULDN'T
HANDLE THE WHOLE SEX,DRUGS AND ROCK & ROLL THING,
BUT I GOT BETTER AT IT.:)

BRUCE SRINGSTEEN: THIS DUDE WON ME OVER WITH
DARKNESS AT THE EDGE OF TOWN ALBUM. I'VE BEEN TO 4
CONCERTS OF THE BOSS, I REMEMBER HIS CONCERTS
BECAUSE HE WOULD POINT THE MIKE TO THE AUDIENCE.
TO FINISH HIS SONGS.WE PASSED JOINTS AROUND, BUT
THAT WAS THE FOLLY OF YOUTH, WE REMEMBERED THE WORDS.
PROVE IT ALL NIGHT, BADLANDS, BORN TO RUN, BACKSTREETS,
FIRE AND HUNGRY HEART.
I ALSO BROKE UP A LONG REALATIONSHIP BECAUSE I
I WENT TO THE CONCERT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.:(

VAN HALEN: WITH DAVID LEE ROTH: IT WAS A TRIP TO
SEE ROTH STRUT ACROSS STAGE WITH A BOTTLE
OF JACK DANIELS IN HIS HAND. WHEN HE SUNG
JUMP IT WAS AMAZING HE DIDN'T BREAK HIS NECK.

FLEETWOOD MAC: I HAVE TO ADMIT I REALLY
LIKED STEVIE NICKS, NO NOT IN THAT WAY,
THE OTHER WAY.
ANYWAY I DON'T REMEMBER THEM SINGING MY
FAVORITE SONGS, LIKE RHIANNON& DREAMS.
I WOKE UP THE NEXT MORNING WEARING
MY MAC T-SHIRT.I WENT TO THE LAUNDRY
MAT WHERE MY MOM WAS.
A GIRL WALKED UP TO ME AND WAS SO
IMPRESSED THAT I HAD SEEN THE MAC,
THAT I THINK SHE WANTED TO TAKE ME
RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DRYERS.
I FELT LIKE A ROCK STAR.:)

ROLLING STONES: I REMEMBER THIS CONCERT
BECAUSE I HAD A BROKEN TOE. IT WAS WALL TO
WALL PEOPLE AND OF COURSE MY TOE SUFFERED.
PRINCE WAS ON THE BILL, BUT HE WAS BOOED
OFF STAGE. I MISSED IT, BECAUSE I WAS IN THE
PARKING LOT PUKING MY GUTS OUT. PRINCE BLEW
UP BIG TIME A YEAR LATER. AN EARLIER CONCERT
CALLED "PEACE SUNDAY" FEATURED BOB DYLAN
AND A HOST OF OTHERS AT THE ROSE BOWL.

I REMEMBER BLACKS AND WHITES PASSING WINE
DOWN THE LINE. WE WERE DRINKING AFTER EACH
OTHER...BUT THAT WAS B.M. BEFORE MEXICANS.


PRINCE: I REMEMBER THIS CONCERT BECAUSE
I TOOK MY NIECE WITH ME, NOW THE PROUD
MOTHER OF 8 KIDS. THEY WANTED YOU TO WEAR
PURPLE WHICH I DID. I REMEMBER DURING PURPLE
RAIN WE WERE ALL HOLDING HANDS.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT, AND WHAT WAS
PURPLE RAIN? TO THIS DAY I STILL DON'T KNOW.
THERE'S BEEN MANY MORE CONCERTS
THAT I JUST DON'T REMEMBER,BUT I HAVE
THE TICKET STUBS.
SO I KNOW I WAS THERE.

THE CARS..."MOVING IN STEREO" WAS HYPNOTIC...
THE POLICE, I REMEMBER"EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE"
THEN I MUST HAVE PASSED OUT BEFORE "DE DO DO DO,
DE DA DA DA...I DIDN'T LIKE THAT RECORD ANYWAY.
BOB DYLAN...I DON'T REMEMBER "LIKE A ROLLING STONE"
HE MUST HAVE SUNG IT.
STEVIE WONDER...NOPE DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT
STEVIE SUNG...I HOPE HE SUNG "LIVING FOR THE CITY"
THAT WAS MY JAM.
TOM PETTY...I REMEMBER TOM WITH NICKS SINGING
"STOP DRAGGING MY HEART AROUND...AND THAT'S IT.
SCORPIO...I GOT NOTHING!
OINGO BONGO...AGAIN NOTHING
ERICA BADU & COMMON...NOTHING
THERE'S MORE.

YOUNG PEOPLE PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM DRUGS
AND ALCOHOL. THE LAST THING YOU WANT IS TO
GO TO A LIL' WAYNE CONCERT AND FORGET THAT YOU
WENT, THEN AGAIN...

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

WHAT A LOVELY SUNDAY AFTERNOON,
THE PERFECT TIME TO TALK ABOUT POOP...

THEY SAY WHEN YOU FLUSH YOUR TOILET
RESIDUE COMES UP, SO COVER YOUR TOOTHBRUSHES.
DO I HAVE TO THINK OF EVERYTHING?

FLUSH SIT THERE AND LET THE WATER HIT YOUR
ASS,WIPE IT OFF AND FLUSH AGAIN...NEVERMIND.
EVEN AFTER YOU WASH YOUR HANDS,
LET'S FACE IT, BY THE TIME YOU GET OUT THE
BATHROOM, YOU'RE AN E COLI CARRYING MUTHA!

YOU'RE TOUCHING THE TOILET HANDLE, THE FAUCETS,
THE DOOR KNOB AND PLUS MAYBE YOU DIDN'T WIPE
TOO WELL. SO LATER WHEN YOUR ASS ITCHES THERE
YOU GO SPREADING E COLI.
GET IT TOGETHER PEOPLE, YOU'RE KILLING US SOFTLY
WITH YOUR POOP GERMS.

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

OPPORTUNITY KNOCKED...
WHERE WAS I?
WASTING AWAY AGAIN IN MAGARITAVILLE,
SEARCHING FOR MY LOST SHAKER OF SALT.:(

AWHILE BACK I WROTE A POST ABOUT A
DREAM I HAD INVOLVING OBAMA AND
SOME NUMBERS. IN THE DREAM HE GAVE
ME 1.90 TO GO TO THE STORE TO BUY A
CAN OF OLD ENGLISH 800.

I AWOKE AND REMEMBERED THE NUMBERS,
I NEVER REMEMBER NUMBERS IN MY DREAMS.
SO EVER SINCE I'VE BEEN PLAYING THOSE
NUMBERS FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS IN THE
DAILY 3 LOTTERY.

I DID ALL MY ERRANDS ON FRIDAY INCLUDING
PLAYING MY NUMBERS. 190,800 AND A FEW MORE,
SO I CAN SIT BACK AND RELAX SATURDAY.I DON'T
PLAY DAILY 3 EVERYDAY. I ONLY PLAY SUPER LOTTO
ON SATURDAY'S.
HERE COMES SUNDAY,I GET THE L.A.TIMES EVERY MORNING,
AND CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE MY OBAMA COFFEE WHILE
READING THE PAPER. I WAKE UP SAYING, WHAT THE
HELL IS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD TODAY?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WAS GOING ON,800 CAME IN ON
SATURDAY.WHILE I WAS RELAXING WITH VARIOUS
SUBSTANCES. MY EYES BECAME DIANA ROSS EYES
THEY POPPED OUT OF MY HEAD, AND BELIEVE ME
I WANTED TO REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE...

HELL THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN 400 BUCKS IN MY
EMPTY POCKETS.
YOUNG PEOPLE STAY AWAY FROM MARGARITAVILLE,
IT'S A TOWN WITHOUT PITY.:(

UPDATE:
WELL IT HAPPENED 190 CAME IN THE OTHER DAY,
I DIDN'T PLAY THAT DAY. I'M SO MAD I COULD HIT
A HORSE'S ASS.IF HE KICKS ME SO BE IT.:(

DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES & FRIENDS...

MY NIECE AND I WENT GROCERY SHOPPING
YESTERDAY, THERE WAS A GUY LOOKING FOR
DONATIONS FOR DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES.

I SAID I UNDERSTAND ,WE COME FROM DYSFUNCTIONAL
FAMILIES OURSELVES. HE SAID I LOVE YOUR SENSE OF
HUMOUR...I WAS BEING SERIOUS.:)

IN MY FAMILY EVERYONE'S PROBLEMS ARE MORE
IMPORTANT THAN YOURS.
I COULD TELL MY SISTER THAT I HAD TO HAVE BOTH
OF MY LEGS AMPUTATED TODAY.

HER REPLY: THAT'S NOTHING UPS BROKE A FEW PIECES
OF MY LlANDRO COLLECTION...AND MY POOL BOY IS
IN THE HOSPITAL.

I CAN TELL MY MOM I HAVE CANCER AND HAVE 6 MONTHS
TO LIVE.

HER REPLY: WELL I HAVE DIABETES AND I CAN'T EAT CANDY,
TRY LIVING WITHOUT SWEETS,YOU ARE SO WEAK...WTF?

I COULD TELL A FRIEND THAT I'VE BEEN ARRESTED
FOR A D.U.I.,CAN YOU HELP ME?

THEIR REPLY: I TOLD YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL STOP
DRINKING AND DRIVING ...PLUS I NEVER LIKED YOU,
YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN US
BECAUSE YOU WERE THE FIRST TO GET A CAR.
GO TO HELL YOU SNOOTY BITCH.

YEA I SHOULD HAVE DROPPED YOU BITCHES OFF
IN HOLLYWOOD THAT NIGHT,WHERE YOU ALL WOULD HAVE
BECOME WHORES...NOT THAT YOU DIDN'T ANYWAY...

YEA L, I WAS DRUNK YOU BIT ME IN THE BACK AND TOOK THE
KEYS MAYBE YOU SAVED MY LIFE,MAYBE YOU DIDN'T.
I THOUGHT I HAD RABIES IT WAS LIKE I WAS BITTEN
BY A MOOSE ,THAT HURT FOR YEARS.

MY MINISTER: FATHER I HAVE SINNED...
HIS REPLY: YOU TELLING ME! I'M SURPRISED
YOU'RE NOT BURNING IN HELL THIS VERY MOMENT.
YOU'RE LIKE A LITTLE SIN MACHINE...
WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO JUDGE PEOPLE,
WHERE'S THE LOVE?