I'M LOOKING FOR TROUBLE!

DAMN IT ALL! LAST WEEK I WAS DRINKING
A LITTLE WINE AND ORDERING ON EBAY.
SINCE I HAVE A GARDEN NOW, I'M INTERESTED
IN GROWING STUFF.

I ORDERED 10,000 RED POPPY SEEDS, THEN FORGOT
AND ORDERED 10,000 MORE.NOW I HAVE 20,000
POPPY SEEDS.
WHAT AM I ,AFGHANISTAN?

I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS GOT OUT OF HAND,
I JUST WANTED SOME POPPY TEA...GEEZ!

A RACIST WHO ME?

I WOKE UP TO THE NEWS THAT OBAMA
HAD SELECTED A LATINA FOR THE SUPREME
COURT.AT FIRST I STARTED GASPING FOR
AIR THEN I HAD THESE HEART PALPITATIONS.
A MEXICAN ON THE SUPREME COURT?

WHAT? DID LUPE MARIA TORRES, FINALLY GET A BREAK?
DID SHE GO FROM FROM MAJORING
IN SURPRISED EYEBROW LOOKS
SCULPTURING TO THE SUPREME COURT?
I WAS IN A PANIC, THEN I HEARD THESE SOOTHING
WORDS...SHE'S A PUERTO RICAN,AND HER CREDIENTIALS
ARE IMPECCABLE
I EXHALED, I LIKE RICAN'S ALSO AFFECTIONALLY
KNOWN AS "PORK CHOPS". PLUS MY DADDY
WAS IN A BLACK PUERTO RICAN ARMY UNIT.
EVEN THOUGH YOU VOTED FOR HILLARY
I FORGIVE YOU...YOU LITTLE PORK CHOPS...YOU.:)

KIM KARDASHIAN & RAY J REVIEW...

I WANT TO START OUT SAYING I AM
NOT INTO PORN, WELL AT LEAST NOT
ANYMORE.:) YET THERE IS SOMETHING
ABOUT THIS MATCH UP THAT PEAKED
MY INTEREST.
I'VE NEVER REVIEWED A MOVIE BEFORE,
MORELESS A PORN FLICK.
WELL HERE GOES...

IT STARTS OUT WITH KIM PUTTING ON
MAKEUP AND RAY J TALKING ABOUT
HOW SHE'S GETTING READY FOR HER BIG SCENE.
THEY MADE THIS WITH THE INTENTION OF
MAKING IT PUBLIC,IT'S VERY PROFESSIONAL.

KIM WASTES NO TIME ATTACKING RAY J'S
BIG ORGAN, FOR A LITTLE DUDE HE'S HUNG
LIKE A HORSE. I SWEAR KIM CAN SUCK CHROME
OFF A BUMPER,LATER HE PAYS HER BACK WITH
SOME COLONEL ANGUS ACTION.
HE MADE HER SPILL HER WINE, MAYBE SHE WAS
FAKING I DON'T KNOW.

THE BANGING MY GAWD! EITHER KIM IS A
GREAT ACTRESS OR RAY J WAS DOING IT
AND DOING IT AND DOING IT WELL.
SHE SCREAMED,HARDER BABY,BUT HIS
PENIS KEPT SLIPPING OUT, PLUS HE
KEPT LOOKING IN THE CAMERA WHICH
WAS KIND OF CREEPY.

HE WARNS IN THE BEGINNING OF THE TAPE
THAT IF YOU INTEND TO MASTERBATE TO IT,
GO HARD.

I'VE SEEN A FEW CELEBRITY SEX TAPES,
THEY JUST SEEM TO FALL IN MY HANDS.:)

PAMELA & TOMMY
JAYNE KENNEDY &LEON
RICHARD SIMMONS & RUE PAUL
I'M STILL HAVING NIGHTMARES OVER THAT.:(

ANYWAY I GIVE THE KIM & RAY J DVD 2 THUMBS UP.
WHILE I WAS WATCHING IT, SOMETHING MOVED...;)

BLACKS VERSES MEXICANS?

THERE'S THIS FORUM ON THE
INTERNET WHERE BLACKS AND
MEXICANS ARGUE ABOUT WHOSE BETTER.
LIKE IT'S ANY COMPETITION THERE,
I'VE STATED BEFORE UNTIL I SEE JUAN
ON JEOPARDY... SO SIT DOWN AND PUT
A COLD TOWEL ON YOUR FACE.


I WROTE SOMETHING THAT PISSED OFF
SOMEONE IN TEXAS, THEY WROTE BACK
AND TOLD ME TO GO F##K MYSELF.
FINALLY SOMEONE IS INTERESTED IN
MY WELFARE.
I THINK I'LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT,
AS SOON AS MY KIM KARDASHIAN & RAY J
DVD COMES. IT'S GOING TO BE ON LIKE
DONKEY KONG ALL NIGHT LONG.

I LIVE THROUGH OTHERS, IT'S MY ONLY FAULT...

MY ALMOST LIFE AS A SUPERMODEL...

IN THE 70'S I WAS APPROACHED BY A WOMAN
IN A BOYS MARKET,SHE GAVE ME HER
CARD AND TOLD ME TO CALL.MY 12 YEAR OLD NEPHEW
TONY WAS WITH ME,IN REDONDO BEACH.
MY ONLY WITNESS, DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT
IN THE 80'S.I MISS YOU TONY...

SHE ASKED IF I WAS INTERESTED IN MODELING,
I WAS TALL AND SKINNY BUT I HAD ACNE.
EVEN THOUGH SHE GAVE ME HER CARD,
I DIDN'T FEEL CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO
FOLLOW THAT DREAM.
I WAS SHY,AWKWARD,AND HAD SERIOUS
ISSUES.PLUS I WAS MORE INTERESTED
IN A WOMAN IN LINE THAT HAD A VERY
THICK MOUSTACHE.
I NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE , I WAS GROWING
A LITTLE FUZZ ...NOW IN MY MIND I WAS TALL
AND SKINNY,HAD ACNE AND NOW I WAS
GROWING A MOUSTACHE.
THEN I HAVE SOME WOMAN OFFERING ME A MODELSHIP.
WHY WAS SHE TORMENTING ME?IN MY MIND...
WAS I ON CANDID CAMERA?

ANYWAY, DAMN! THEY COULD HAVE SLAPPED SOME
MAKEUP & A WIG AND SHAVED MY ASS,I COULD HAVE
BEEN THE FIRST TYRA BANKS...

WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS YOU BETTER
BE READY,BECAUSE IT MAY NOT KNOCK AGAIN...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO
ALL THE WOMEN WHO KNOW
WHO THE BABY DADDY IS...

NOT YOU SKANKS WHO DON'T GIVE
A DAMN ABOUT YOUR KIDS,BUT THE
ALMIGHTY PENIS.

TO MY MOM: YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU,
BUT SOMETIMES I HAVE FANTANSIES
ABOUT THROWING YOU OFF THE TRAIN.
YOU KNOW WHAT BUTTONS TO PUSH
TO MAKE MY HEAD EXPLODE.

YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE YOUR MOTHERS
DAY GIFT, AND IF YOU DON'T I WILL.:)
LOUD 'N CLEAR, IT'S SAYS IT TURNS
ORDINARY HEARING INTO EXTRAORDINARY
HEARING.I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR SOMEBODY
CALL ME OUT OF MY NAME.LIKE AN OH NO
MOMENT I KNOW THEY DIDN'T SAY THAT.

I'M GOING TO WALK UP TO THEM AND ASK
YOU GOT A PROBLEM?THEN PUNCH THEM
IN THE FACE.I WONDER HAS ANYONE
EVER WENT TO JAIL BECAUSE OF THIS DEVICE...

IT'S MY TURN...

ME, MYSELF AND I WAS IN THE
BATHROOM AND I WAS THINKING
ABOUT THE LOTTERY.

IT'S MAGIC IN THE AIR, THE STARS
ARE ALIGNED. MY PALM STARTED
ITCHING AND ROD STEWART'S
"TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT CAME ON
THE RADIO.TALK ABOUT A SIGN!:)

WOW, THEY SAY MONEY CAN'T
BUY YOU HAPPINESS,BUT YOU CAN
PULL UP BESIDE HAPPINESS THAT'S
FOR DAMN SURE.I WILL REMAIN
HUMBLE WHEN I'M RICH.

Y'ALL STILL BE ABLE TO
CONTACT ME IF YOU GET DOWN
ON YOUR KNEES AND PRAY TO THE
LORD,PRAYERS DO GET ANSWERED.
DON'T GET DISCOURAGED WHEN YOU
KEEP GETTING DISCONNECTED, CAN
YOU HEAR ME NOW?:)

UPDATE:

WELL BABYGIRL WON, A BIG 20 BUCKS,
I CALLED IT. TOO BAD IT WASN'T A MILLION
I WAS PRACTICING TO BE A SNOOTY UPPITY
BITCH. I WAS READY TO LOOK DOWN ON POOR
PEOPLE, AND RUN OVER PEDESTRIANS IN MY
ROLLS ROYCE, I HAD SO MANY PLANS AND DREAMS.
WELL MAYBE NEXT TIME,KEEP HOPE ALIVE,RIGHT
JESSE...:)

FARMER MICHELE HAS A FARM
E,I,E,I,O...
AND ON HER FARM SHE HAS...
BASIL
DILL
PEPPERS
TOMATOES
PARSLEY
GREEN ONIONS
CUCUMBERS
CARROTS
TURNIPS
ZUCCHINI
OKRA
SAGE
WATERMELON
POMEGRANATE TREE
AND SOMETHING I HOPE THE
HELICOPTERS DON'T SPOT...


IT'S VERY THERAPUTIC, TURN ON THE
RADIO, AND GET TO FARMING.
IF THINGS GET BAD, I'M GOING TO BE A
CARROTS,PARSLEY, TOMATOES, ZUCCHINI
WITH A PINCH OF BASIL AND A DASH OF
SAGE EATING MUTHA!
NOT TO MENTION THE CUCUMBER,TOMATO,
GREEN ONIONS, BASIL SALAD,BABYGIRL
HAS SKILLS.:)

FOR DESSERT WATERMELON/POMEGRANATE
SORBET ANTIOXIDANTS,LIVING LARGE BABY,
AS SPECIAL ED SAID"I GOT IT MADE"
I WILL SURVIVE HEY HEY!;)