WARNING: IN THE WORDS OF
ELTON JOHN "THE BITCH IS BACK"

YES NO MORE NICE MICHELE,WELL
EXCEPT FOR HOTTIES.:)

I'VE HAD IT, BENDING OVER BACKWARDS,
TO BE NICE AND IT'S GETS ME NO WHERE.
SO I'VE MADE UP MY MIND TO BECOME
"SUPERBITCH"
EVEN IF YOUR COOKING IS GOOD, I'M
GOING TO SAY THAT'S THE WORST SHIT
I'VE TASTED IN MY LIFE...WATCH THE FOOD CHANNEL
ALREADY... CALL RACHEL RAY DO SOMETHING!

I'LL KICK YOUR ASS JUST BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT.

I'LL BORROW MONEY FROM YOU, WITH NO INTENTIONS
ON PAYING YOU BACK.

IN THE SUPERMARKET YOU PEOPLE WITH 2 ITEMS
I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU GO AHEAD OF ME ANYMORE.
YOU CAN HUFF AND PUFF ALL YOU WANT, BETTER
WATCH OUT I MAY WRITE A CHECK AND TAKE FOREVER
TO FIND MY CHECKBOOK. THEN I HAVE TO DIG MY GLASSES
OUT...DO YOU FEEL YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE RISING YET?
WE ALL CAN WITNESS YOUR HISSY FIT,
WHEN YOU HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND
DROP DEAD IN LINE.
JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE IN A HURRY TO SEE
''ALL MY CHILDREN"

I'LL TAKE YOUR REMOTE CONTROL HOME
AND LET YOU SPEND ALL DAY LOOKING FOR IT.
THAT'S RIGHT, I 'M BAD TO THE BONE.


YES I AM "SUPERBITCH"
AND THEY SAY PEOPLE CAN'T CHANGE!

OBAMA YOU THE MAN, OR SHOULD I
SAY MR. PRESIDENT.

GOING ON AN INTERNATIONAL TOUR,
WAS A BRILLIANT IDEA, THE PERSON
WHO ADVISED YOU...DESERVES A RAISE.

THE FRONT PAGE OF THE L.A.TIMES THE
OTHER DAY, WHERE YOU STOOD BEFORE
OVER 200,000 GERMANS CHEERING YOU ON
WAS PRICELESS.
THE PICTURE LITERALLY TOOK MY
BREATH AWAY.

WE'VE COME A LONG WAY SINCE HITLER
SNUBBED JESSE OWENS AT THE 1936 OLYMPICS
I BELIEVE YOU CAN NOW TELL JOHN McCAIN,
CHECKMATE!

A CONVERSATION WITH A FRIEND,
SINCE GRADE SCHOOL.

MICHELE: I WAS WATCHING SOME TRIBE IN AFRICA
ON TV AND I COULD HAVE SWORE I SAW YOU,RUNNING
THROUGH THE JUNGLE.

LINDA: WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT?

MICHELE: THERE WAS A WOMAN WHO HAD
CORNROWS AND HER TITS WERE HANGING FREELY.

LINDA: F%#K YOU BEYOUTCH!

MICHELE:WELL WHAT'S GOING ON IN SOUTH CENTRAL?

LINDA: BABY IS HAVING A BABY.

MICHELE: WHAT? WHEN I WAS GROWING UP BABY
WAS LIKE 6 YEARS OLD...

LINDA: WELL HE'S 24 NOW.

MICHELE: WELL GRANDMA , I'LL GET YOU A
ROCKING CHAIR,AND SOME KNITTING
PATTERNS. IS ARTHRITIS SETTING IN YET?

LINDA: F#*k YOU BITCH!

MICHELE: THEN WE WENT ON AND TALKED
ABOUT WHAT WE COOKED TODAY FOR DINNER,
AREN'T FRIENDS SPECIAL?

INTERVIEW WITH MICHELLE OBAMA
PART II.

MICHELE: IF YOU WEREN'T A HAPPILY
MARRIED WOMAN WHO WOULD YOU DO
IN A NEW YORK MINUTE?

MICHELLE: DAMN YOU'RE GOING TO
GET ME IN TROUBLE!
1.CHRIS BROWN...THAT SEXY M#!&#R F*%#!R!
2.ICE CUBE... BECAUSE HE KNOWS HOW TO PUT
THE POOTNANNY TO SLEEP.
3.BRAD PITT... I JUST WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE MAGIC.
4. DENZEL WASHINGTON...HE IS SO INTENSE,
YOU KNOW HE KNOWS HOW TO DEFROST IT
AND SEASON IT.
5. RUSH LIMBAUGH... I 'D LOVE TO TURN THAT REDNECK
OUT. AFTER I GET THROUGH LAYING IT ON HIM,
HIS RADIO SHOW WOULD TURN INTO 101 WAYS TO
FRY CHICKEN.

MICHELE: THAT WAS VERY ENLIGHTNING,
I CAN AGREE WITH ONE OF YOUR CHOICES.

MICHELLE: YOU GOT THE HOTS FOR RUSH TOO?

MICHELE: UH, NOPE...I DIG ICE CUBE BECAUSE HE
KNOWS HOW TO PUT THE POOTNANNY TO SLEEP,
AND THAT'S ALL WE WANT IN LIFE.
I LEFT IN TEARS KNOWING THAT I REACHED OUT AND
LET HER KNOW WHAT WAS TRULY IMPORTANT,
PUTTING THE POOTNANNY TO SLEEP.

INTERVIEW WITH MICHELLE OBAMA
KEEP IN MIND,I'M NO BARBARA WALTERS!

MICHELE: ARE YOU FOR MAKING MARVIN GAYES
BIRTHDAY A NATIONAL HOLIDAY?

MICHELLE: FOR REAL, I FEEL YOU, IT SHOULD
HAVE BEEN DONE YEARS AGO.

MICHELE: DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF AN
ELITIST?

MICHELLE: WELL HELL YEA! I'M ABOUT TO
BECOME FIRST LADY , WHAT KIND OF
M*#%*R F%#KIN' QUESTION IS THAT ?

MICHELE: SO YOU HAVE A LITTLE POTTY MOUTH,
I LIKE THAT IN A FIRST LADY.

MICHELLE: DAMN M#%*&R F%#!KIN SKIPPY BITCH!

MICHELE: YOU CALLED ME A BITCH I CONSIDER THAT
A TERM OF ENDEARMENT.

MICHELLE: THINK NOTHING OF IT WHORE!

MICHELE: LET'S MOVE ON. WHAT IS YOUR STAND
ON ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION?

MICHELLE: WELL THIS IS A SUBJECT CLOSE TO MY
HEART, WE AS A NATION HAVE BECOME FOND OF
MEXICAN FOOD. THE ONLY SOLUTION TO DEAL WITH
THIS PROBLEM IS A MEXICAN COOKOFF TEST.
IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK,YOU GOTTA GO.

MICHELE:WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

MICHELLE: SEAFOOD...GET IT, I SEE FOOD AND I
EAT IT.

MICHELE: WOW! A FIRST LADY WITH A SENSE OF
HUMOUR,I LIKE THAT.

MICHELLE: PULL MY FINGER...COME ON PULL MY FINGER.

MICHELE: THIS CONCLUDES MY INTERVIEW...FOR NOW!

PHONE ETIQUETTE:
1. DON'T CALL ME LATE AT NIGHT AND
ASK ME WHAT I'M DOING,NOT UNLESS
YOU'RE A HOTTIE...YOU CAN CALL ME 3
IN THE MORNING IF YOU WANT TO...
ONLY YOU AND JESUS HAVE THAT PRIVILEGE
SMOOTCHES!:)

2. DON'T PUT ME ON HOLD,I DEMAND
YOUR FULL ATTENTION.F%#k CALL WAITING.

3. DON'T CALL ME WHEN YOU'RE IN THE BATHROOM,
I CAN TELL,THE GRUNTING,FLUSHING...AND YOU
TELLING ME "I FEEL BETTER NOW"
NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THAT SHIT!
GOT DAMMIT! AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE
TO CALL DURING DINNER...Ewwww

4.IF I CALL YOU, I GET TO DOMINATE THE CONVERSATION,
IF YOU CALL ME I HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR SHIT...IT'S ONLY FAIR.
WHEN I SPEND MY DIME IT'S MY TIME & VICE VERSA.

5. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT YOU CAN'T SLEEP, DRINK ALCOHOL
AND TAKE DRUGS LIKE THE REST OF US,
IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE PEOPLE GEEZ!
THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.

AS YOU KNOW MY PEEPS, I WAS
INSTRUMENTAL IN OBAMA GETTING THE
NOMINATION. LOOKING FORWARD TO
MY ADVISORY POSITION,THERE WILL BE
SWEEPING CHANGES!

1.ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS...BYE -BYE
REASON: HEY DUH! YOU'RE ILLEGAL.

2.STUPID PEOPLE...BYE-BYE
REASON: THERE'S A PRICE TO PAY FOR
BEING STUPID,IGNORANCE IS
BLISS MY ASS!

3.RED NECKS YOUR TIME IS SO OVER...BYE-BYE
YOU HAD OVER 300 YEARS TO SEE THE LIGHT,
YA'LL ARE SOME DUMB M#%#&R F*#!KERS.

4.PEOPLE WHO DON'T WASH THEIR HANDS
BEFORE EXITING THE BATHROOM...YOU
E COLI CARRYING BASTARDS...BYE-BYE

5. LAST BUT NOT LEAST, IF YOU'RE A HOTTIE
AND YOU DON'T GIVE ME SOME PLAY...BYE-BYE,
WHAT'S WRONG WITH 30 SECONDS OF PLEASURE,
OKAY I CAN STRETCH IT TO 60,MAYBE EVEN
90 IF I CONCENTRATE.
I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY TO HOVER OVER YOUR
WONDERLAND.

I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE YOU PEOPLE
SHOULD GO, BUT YOU GOT TO GET THE HELL
UP OUT OF HERE!