TAKE IT TO THE LIMIT...one more time

I SWEAR I'LL NEVER EVER DRINK WINE AGAIN!
MY NEPHEW CALLED YESTERDAY,I CALLED
HIM BACK HOURS LATER. THE NEXT DAY
I CALL MYSELF RETURNING HIS CALL,
AND HE SAID WE TALKED A WHILE LAST NIGHT,
WHAT THE F%#K?

I HAVE NO MEMORY OF TALKING TO HIM,
LAST NIGHT, I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING
ABOUT THE CONVERSATION.

I ORDERED SOME HAWAIIAN ITEMS,GUAVA JELLY,
PANKO BREAD CRUMBS, MACADAMIA NUTS AND
BANANA MACADAMIA PANCAKE MIX.
I WAS SO EXCITED TO GET MY BOX OF GOODIES,
I LOVES ME SOME GUAVA JELLY.

THE NEXT DAY: GUAVA JELLY IS ALL OVER
THE DINING ROOM FLOOR,AND THE JAR IS EMPTY,
IT'S ON THE WALLS, ON THE REFRIGERATOR.
WHAT THE F%#K?

I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED,AND I DON'T
REMEMBER TASTING IT.:(

OH OH! I HAVE A EXTENSIVE COLLECTION OF TEQUILAS.
CABO WABO -REPOSADO
CAVA ANTIQUA-REPOSADO
DON JULIO-ANEJO
PATRON-SILVER BLANCO
I'M SKEERED IF I DRINK THOSE,
WHAT WILL HAPPEN, TO THE MACADAMIA
NUTS? THEY'RE ROUND LIKE BIG
MARBLES AND I HAVE A SLINGSHOT.
WILL I CALL THE WHITE HOUSE
TALKING SHIT?
WILL I RUN OVER A PUPPY AND LEAVE THE SCENE?
WILL I SNATCH SOMEONES WIG OFF THEIR HEAD
AND TELL THEM TO BE THEMSELVES?
ME+ALCOHOL=DISASTER

NO MORE WINE FOR ME!