OBAMA WON!
JUMPING UP AND DOWN...OUCH!

QUOTING THE LATE JAMES BROWN
McCAIN YOU'RE LIKE A DULL KNIFE
YOU JUST AIN'T CUTTIN' YOU'RE
"TALKING LOUD AND SAYING NOTHING"
YOU OLD FART!
MOST PEOPLE CAN TAKE A REGULAR FART,
BUT BECAUSE OF ALL THE MEDS YOU TAKE,
AND THE BEER YOU DRINK, WHEN YOU LET GO
IT CAN BE COMPARED TO HIROSHIMA ONLY IN
A BETTER SETTING. I'M SURPRISED THAT HE
DIDN'T PASS OUT,USING FLATULATION AS A WEAPON,
YOU'RE A WEASEL!

THE ONLY TIME YOU SMILED WAS WHEN
YOU FARTED, TRYING TO GAS A BROTHER,
THAT'S HITTING BELOW THE BELT...

OBAMA YOU'RE PULLING MY LEG RIGHT,
YOU WANT ME TO BE A FIELD N##*ER?
ALL THE MONEY THAT I'VE CONTRIBUTED,
I WAS THINKING ALONG THE LINES OF AN
AMBASSADORSHIP AT THE VERY LEAST.
A SMALL ISLAND OF HEATHENS,ANTARCTICA
SOMETHING!
I GUESS 50 BUCKS DOESN'T GO A LONG WAY
ANYMORE.


Dear Michele, I want to tell you about an exciting program we're launching in California. It's called Camp Obama.During this two-day session, people like you will be taking their support for this movement to the next level by learning the organizing principles that this campaign and our movement for change are built on.Camp Obama attendees will receive real world organizing experience that will have a direct impact on this election. Graduates of Camp Obama will go on to become Deputy Field Organizers who will lead this campaign to victory in crucial battleground states around the country.Find out more about this exciting opportunity to take a leadership role in this movement for change.By participating in Camp Obama, you'll get the kind of experience that Barack got as a community organizer on the South Side of Chicago, where he learned that real change happens from the bottom up.That experience transformed Barack's life and made him who he is today.Camp Obama is your chance to put those very same principles into action - to win this election and to strengthen democracy in communities around the country.After completing the program, you'll be required to work as a Deputy Field Organizer in a battleground state where you'll be organizing supporters and helping lead our grassroots Get Out The Vote operation.Apply for a spot at a Camp Obama near you and become a leader in our movement for change:http://my.barackobama.com/page/m/691a078f420710f7/778tLF/VEsF/This campaign relies on the passion and enthusiasm of ordinary supporters, but it needs leaders who can organize those supporters and turn their enthusiasm into votes on Election Day.Camp Obama is your chance to step up and become a leader in this movement.Thanks,JonJon CarsonNational Field DirectorObama for America

Visit: CA.BarackObama.com Email: California@BarackObama.com
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LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, YOU WANT TO PUT
ME IN THE FIELD?
DAMN! YOU COULD AT LEAST MAKE ME A HOUSE N##*ER,
NOT THAT I WOULD ACCEPT THAT POSITION.
RETHINKING IT DEPENDS ON THE PAY,
I NEED MONEY HONEY!
PLUS I GET TO BE AROUND MICHELLE,
I LIKE HER, I LIKE HER A LOT!

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER WHILE YOU'RE
OUT OF TOWN.:)

ME AN ADVICE COLUMNIST?
I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT PEOPLE ARE
ALWAYS ASKING MY ADVICE,IT MUST
BE THE GEEK GLASSES I WEAR.

Q.MICHELE, I JUST FOUND OUT MY HUSBAND
IS SLEEPING WITH MY SISTER..WHAT SHOULD I DO?
A. KILL THEM BOTH

Q. MICHELE, MY MOTHER FAVORS MY YOUNGER
SISTER OVER ME,AND IT MAKES ME FEEL BAD,
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
A. KILL'EM

Q.MICHELE, MY BOSS IS BLACKMAILING ME INTO
HAVING SEX WITH HIM. I LOVE MY JOB, BUT THE
THOUGHT OF HIM BEING NAKED MAKES ME WANT
TO PUKE.WHAT SHOULD I DO?
A. KILL HIM.

Q.MICHELE, MY NEIGHBORS DOG KEEPS DIGGING
UP MY FLOWERS, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
A.KILL THAT FLEA BAG.

WARNING: MY ADVICE IS RATHER EXTREME,AND
IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.
IT MAY EVEN LAND YOU IN PRISON,BUT THERE'S
A BRIGHT SIDE.
FREE FOOD,FREE LOUNGING,AND TIME TO REFLECT
ON HOW YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME WHEN YOU GET OUT.
HEY! I LED YOU TO THE WATER, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO
DRINK IT.
WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS BLAME THE MESSENGER?

GUYS, WHILE YOU'RE IN THE PEN DON'T BEND OVER
AND PICK UP THE SOAP, OR SURELY YOU WILL BE PAID
A VISIT BY MR. JOHNSON...HE LOVES COMING THROUGH
THE BACK DOOR.

GIRLS,IF A GIRL ASKS YOU IF YOU LIKE YOUR CARPET
CLEANED,IT MEANS SHE INTO YOU. JUST DON'T HAVE AN STD
OR YOU WILL BE SHUNNED ,AND SO WILL YOUR RUG DOCTOR
GIRLFRIEND,WITH HER BLIMP SIZED LIPS.
THIS ADVICE STUFF IS A PIECE OF CAKE, I MISSED
MY TRUE CALLING...I COULD HAVE BEEN A DEAR ABBY!

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT.

OH NO! THE INSTRUMENTS ARE REBELLING.
I HEAR THEM TALKING AMONG THEMSELVES
AT NIGHT.

GUITAR-YOU'RE A LAZY LITTLE F%#K, YOU HAVEN'T
STROKED ME YET. YOU KNOW I NEED TO BE STROKED,
WHY CAN'T YOU STRUM ME? I'M NOT A LES PAUL
BUT I DESERVE RESPECT DAMNIT! DON'T YOU
REMEMBER PLAYING "ROCKET MAN" BY ELTON JOHN?

CLARINET- I AGREE GUITAR, I HAVEN'T HAD A
BLOW JOB IN MONTHS,WHERE'S THE LOVE?

DRUMS- WELL I LIKE IT ROUGH, I LIKE TO BE BEATEN,
S&M. SHE USE TO BEAT ME LIKE A RUN AWAY SLAVE,
IT HURT SO GOOD...NOW I JUST GET GLARES!

PIANO- I USE TO LOVE THE WAY SHE TICKLED
MY IVORYS. SHE USE TO RUN HER HANDS UP AND
DOWN MY KEYBOARD, I COULDN'T GET ENOUGH.
WITH HER EVERY TOUCH I THOUGHT I'D DIED
AND WENT TO HEAVEN.

IT'S OBVIOUS BY NOW, I HAVE A BUNCH OF
HORNY INSTRUMENTS ON MY HANDS.
CALM DOWN ALL OF YOU, OR YOU WILL END
UP IN THE PAWN SHOP OR A YARD SALE.
I MEAN IT, I WILL NOT BE DISRESPECTED
IN MY HOME.
GET IT, GOT IT,GOOD!
TAMBORINE... DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY?
I THOUGHT NOT, NOW GO AND GATHER DUST
AND LEAVE ME ALONE!

TALENT WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?

MY FIRST PIANO LESSON TOOK PLACE AT
THE AGE OF SIX. A BLIND WOMAN WHO WAS
MEANER THAN A JUNKYARD DOG.
I LEARNED NOTHING.

LATER IN JR. HIGH I LEARNED THE BEGINNING
OF "I WANT YOU BACK" JACKSON FIVE, ON THE
PIANO , BUT I COULDN'T PLAY THE REST.

IN MY LATE TEENS I WROTE SOME LYRICS, AND
WAS SIGNED TO A CONTRACT.
IT WAS ON BILLBOARDS R&B CHARTS OUT OF
THE HOT 100 IT WENT ALL THE WAY TO #98.
I HEARD IT WAS HOT IN TEXAS,HEY I WROTE
THE B SIDE, THE A SIDE IS SUPPOSE TO BE THE
HIT.
THANKS SKY YOU NO TALENT BASTARD!

MY PRODUCER TOLD ME I SHOULD START
THINKING ABOUT WRITING MUSIC,
AND SO THE QUEST BEGAN.

FIRST I STARTED WITH GUITAR, TOOK LESSONS
FROM A GUY WHO HAD WRITTEN A BOOK.
I JUST COULDN'T GET IT.
I'M NO JIMI HENDRIX.

YEARS HAVE PASSED,AND I CONTINUE TO
HAVE HIGH HOPES,OF PLAYING A MUSICAL
INSTRUMENT.

IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, I'VE BOUGHT A
CLARINET, WHICH IS GATHERING DUST,
DAMN I CAN'T EVEN KEEP IT SHINY ANYMORE.
I'M NO BENNY GOODMAN.

PIANO KEYBOARD, I'VE FORGOT HOW TO PLAY
THE BEGINNING OF "I WANT YOU BACK"
I CAN'T EVEN PLAY "CHOP STICKS":(
I'M NO MOZART.

DRUMS, WAS NEXT, I LOOKED AT IT AS A WAY TO
RELIEVE STRESS BY BEATING THE HELL OUT
OF SOMETHING. THAT LASTED A WEEK,PLUS
I STILL HAD STRESS.
I'M NO SHEILA E.

GUITAR, JUST BOUGHT ONE AGAIN TODAY,
WHY DO I TORTURE MYSELF LIKE THIS?
GOT DAMNIT, WHO AM I FOOLING? DON'T
LET ME GET STARTED ON THAT DAMN TAMBORINE!

I HAVE ENOUGH INSTRUMENTS AROUND HERE
TO HAVE A JAM FEST '08.
AS I STARE AT THE GUITAR IT'S BRINGING
BACK MEMORIES, PLAYING IT USE TO HURT
MY FINGERS...I'M A DELICATE FLOWER.

I HAVE THE STRANGEST FEELING I WOULD
BE GOOD AT PLAYING THE TUBA, BUT I'M
NOT GOING DOWN THAT STREET!

UPDATE:
JUST POPPED A STRING BY WINDING IT
TOO TIGHT. I CAN'T DANCE, OR PLAY AN
INSTRUMENT... I BETTER FOCUS ON WHAT
I CAN DO...
I CAN PLAY A MEAN AIR GUITAR,
THAT'S RIGHT, BABY GIRL HAS SKILLS!

BREAKING NEWS:
IT'S THE NEXT DAY AND I HAVEN'T PICKED
UP THE GUITAR. HEY! I HAVE GOOD REASON,
I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO, LIKE PICKING
LINT OUT MY NAVEL.

SARAH PALIN:

OH THIS IS GETTING TO BE SO MUCH FUN!
A WOMAN WHO KILLS BULLWINKLES BABIES
THINKS SHE'S QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT?

SHE CAN'T CONTROL HER WHORE DAUGHTER,
HOW IN THE HELL IS SHE GOING TO RUN A COUNTRY?
McCAIN WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF PICKING
PARIS HILTON.
OBAMA SLEEPS WELL AT NIGHT WITH THIS SELECTION.

NOW IF McCAIN WAS THINKING HE SHOULD HAVE PICKED
BEYONCE...SHE'S HOT,SMART AND RICH.
I WOULD VOTE FOR BEYONCE, AND I WOULD LOOK
FORWARD TO THE FIRESIDE CHATS...
AND I DO MEAN FIRE.:)

IF BEYONCE WERE TO PLAY THAT SHARON STONE'S ROLE IN,
"BASIC INSTINCT" OPEN HER LEGS WHILE
SMOKING A CIGARETTE SHE'LL BE ABLE
TO RECRUIT PEOPLE TO GO TO HELL AND FIGHT SATAN!

WHY DO WOMEN FAKE ORGASMS?

TWO OF THE MOST COMMON REASONS ARE,
TO MAKE THEIR PARTNERS FEEL BETTER AND
TO END SEX WHEN THEY'RE TIRED.
SEX WILL CONTINUE UNTIL THEIR FEMALE
PARTNER HAS AN ORGASM OR FAKES ONE.

FELLAS & GIRLS, LET ME GIVE YOU A HEADS UP.

1. THE OBVIOUS A JUICY FRUIT.
2.EYES ARE GLAZED OVER AND ROLLING UPWARDS.
3.TOES CURLING
4.BEGS YOU NOT TO STOP
5.UNCONTROL HEAVY BREATHING
6. SLEEPS LIKE A ROCK AFTERWARDS
7. WAKES UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
PROFESSING THEIR UNDYING LOVE.
YEA YOU DOING IT, AND DOING IT AND DOING IT WELL..

IF YOU HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED ANY
ONE OF THESE...YOU'RE A BUM LAY,
KEEP MASTERBATING THAT'S ALL YOU GOT,
YOU CAN'T PLEASE ANYONE BUT YOU
AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A PEOPLE PERSON...

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: