CRAZY PEOPLE...

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE WHO
TALK TO THEMSELVES.
I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE WHO
CLAIM TO HAVE BEEN ABDUCTED BY A U.F.O.
I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE WHO
USE 1 PLY TOILET TISSUE,EVEN THOUGH
THAT IS INSANE.
I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO
WIPE BACK TO FRONT...
I'M NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE
WHO LIKE MAYONNAISE SANDWICHES.ewwwwww

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE NUTS WHO,
THINK THEY ARE RIGHT ALL THE DAMN TIME.
YOU CAN'T TELL THEM ANYTHING,AND THEY
REALLY BELIEVE THEY'RE RIGHT NO MATTER
THE SUBJECT.

I HOPE I NEVER BECOME ONE OF THOSE TYPE
OF PEOPLE,IT'S A COINCIDENCE THAT I
JUST HAPPEN TO BE RIGHT ALL THE TIME.
I'M NOT CRAZY, REALLY I'M NOT CRAZY I TELL
YOU!;)

DOING THE JAIL HOUSE ROCK...

A MEMBER OF MY FAMILY WHO HAS TWO
YOUNG CHILDREN WAS RECENTLY ARRESTED
FOR AIDING & ABETTING KNOWN FELONS.

I HAVE ANOTHER MEMBER IN THE FAMILY WHO
IS CALLING AROUND TRYING TO GET HER BAIL MONEY.
THERE'S ONE GOOD THING ABOUT A BAD ECONOMY
IT GIVES A PERSON A REASON TO BE SELFISH.

REACTIONS SO FAR:
GRANDMA- NO WAY JOSE!

MY SISTER-YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING...AND SHE'S RICH!

MY MOM- DON'T LOOK AT ME...I'M SAVING MY MONEY
FOR MY FUNERAL.

MY NIECE THREATEN TO HAVE MY SISTER COMMITTED
IF SHE GAVE 1 DIME.
WHAT HAPPENED TO BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER?

I'M GUILTY TOO, I COULD PUT IT ON MY CREDIT CARD,
RUIN MY CREDIT AND END UP ON JUDGE MATHIS,
I CAN'T GO DOWN THAT STREET.
SORRY T, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WALK ALONE
IN THIS SITUATION.

YOU'RE ONLY 23, YOU WILL LEARN A LESSON IN ALL OF THIS,
LIKE WE ALL DO WHILE WALKING THROUGH LIFE.
I KNOW I'VE LEARN A LESSON, I BETTER KEEP MY NOSE CLEAN,
I DON'T WANT END UP IN JAIL.
WAITING FOR MY REALATIVES TO BAIL ME OUT?
I'LL BE WAITING UNTIL "THE TWELFTH OF NEVER",
AND MARRIED TO BIG BERTHA WHO WILL PROCEED TO
MAKE ME HER BITCH AND BEAT MY ASS EVERYDAY.:(

HAWAII...

I WON A TRIP TO HAWAII IN THE LATE 80'S.
FORGET ABOUT THE LUAU, THE BLUE HAWAII'S,
HOT BUTTS DOING THE HOOLA. I WANTED TO
GET SOME OF THAT HAWAIIAN SMOKE.

MY FIRST ATTEMPT I DEALT WITH A COUPLE
OF HOME ISLAND BOYS. THEY BROUGHT ME BACK
SOME SHIT THAT LOOKED PROMISING.GAWD THEY
SCREWED ME I MIGHT AS WELL BEEN SMOKING OREGANO.

MY SECOND ATTEMPT WAS GETTING IN ONE OF
THOSE BIKE TAXI'S.I REMEMBER EVERYBODY WANTS
TO RULE THE WORLD WAS PLAYING.
HE STOPPED AT THIS SEEDY LITTLE SPOT, AND BROUGHT
ME OUT THE BOMB.I CALLED MYSELF SAVING THE SEEDS
IN MY BRA ON THE FLIGHT BACK.YEA I'M A DARE DEVIL!

LANDED IN LOS ANGELES, MY CAT WAS HAPPY TO SEE ME,
HE THREW UP ON MY BED...THAT WAS A WAY OF SHOWING
HIS LOVE. ANYWAY I COULDN'T WAIT TO PLANT MY SEEDS.
I TOOK THEM OUT OF MY BRA, AND THEY WERE SMASHED
UP. DAMN MY BIG BOOBS!:(

OBAMA'S COMING TO TOWN...

HE'S COMING TO POMONA TODAY I AM
SO EXCITED,AND I PLAN ON BEING AT
THE LOCATION AROUND NOON.

I'M TAKING SOME TIME MAGAZINE COVERS
FOR HIM TO AUTOGRAPH.I HOPE I DON'T
HAVE TO ACT A FOOL IN LINE. BECAUSE I
PLAN ON GETTING TO THE FRONT COME
HELL OR HIGH WATER.
THIS MAY BE THE ONLY OPPORTUNITY I GET
AND I'M NOT BLOWING IT.

IF IT MEANS STEPPING ON SMALL CHILDREN,
SHOVING SENIOR CITIZENS MISLEADING THE
BLIND, I GOTTA DO WHAT I GOTTA DO.:)

UPDATE:
I'M SO MAD, I COULD PUNCH A ROCK!
I MISSED IT,HOLY MOTHER OF MOSES
SECOND COUSIN.I'M DISTRAUGHT,DEPRESSED
AND WOULD END IT ALL, IF SURVIVOR AND
HELL'S KITCHEN WASN'T COMING ON TONIGHT.

THE NEWS THIS MORNING REPORTED THAT HE
WOULD BE IN POMONA AT 1:45 P.M. I FIGURE I'D
LEAVE AROUND NOON,AND THEN MY WORLD
WAS SHATTERED. I'M WATCHING 11:30 EYE WITNESS NEWS
AND THEY REPORT THAT OBAMA ARRIVED AT 10:30 AND
WAS GETTING READY TO LEAVE. EVEN THE ILLEGALS
WERE SHOWN HOLDING UP THEIR IMMIGRATION REFORM
POSTERS. YOU BETTER HOPE THAT OBAMA DOESN'T THINK
LIKE ME...YOU'DE BE ON A BUS BACK TO MEXICO REFORMING
THAT CESSPOOL OF A COUNTRY.

WE'LL EXPERIENCE ARMAGEDDON,BEFORE OBAMA
COMES BACK TO POMONA.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GET RID OF THIS ANGER I FEEL
RIGHT NOW. I'M TAKING THIS OUT ON SOMEONE, I NEED
A RELEASE. LET'S SEE THERE'S ALWAYS MOM(see previous post)
MY SISTERS,LORD KNOWS THEY HAVE IT COMING.
MY COUSINS,NIECES,NEPHEWS OR FRIENDS...

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE SOMEONE FEEL REAL BAD,
TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER,I'M FUNNY THAT WAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY"MISERY LOVES COMPANY":(

I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY MAMA,BUT...

WHEN A KID GOES BAD IT'S ALWAYS MOMS FAULT,
NEVER DADS,WHY IS THAT?
I'M GUILTY FOR BLAMING MY INADEQUACIES
ON MY MOTHER.

I BLAME HER FOR EVERYTHING, MY PERIOD STARTING
IN MY JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL BIOLOGY CLASS,
IT WAS EMBARASSING.I THREW A DISSECTED FROG
ON MY LOVE INTEREST,THAT WAS
MY AFRICAN /IRISH LOVE CALL.IN MY WORLD
THROWING ANIMAL BODY PARTS ON PEOPLE WAS SEXY
I'D THOUGHT I FOUND THE SECRET TO TRUE LOVE.:)

I THINK I SAW MY MOTHER THROW A FISH AT MY
STEPDADDYS HEAD OR WAS IT A CRAB? ANYWAY I
THINK THEY HAD A GOOD TIME THAT NIGHT...
I WANTED TO GROW UP TO BE LIKE MOMMY.

MAMA SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME
THAT IS NO WAY TO GET A PIECE OF ASS...MISSY!
YOU JUST DON'T THROW ANIMAL BODY PARTS AT
PEOPLE AND EXPECT THEM TO LOVE YOU. I STUMBLED
BACK TO THE CAVE,AND DREW PICTURES OF WILD
DOGS ON THE WALL,WHILE SCRATCHING MYSELF.

THANKS MOM! IT'S A LITTLE TOO LATE,THEY'RE
MARRIED WITH CHILDREN!
I BLAME HER FOR HIGH FOOD PRICES TO THE IRAQ WAR.
IT MAKES NO SENSE DOES IT?
BUT SOME HOW,SOME WAY IT'S HER FAULT...

I GUESS THAT'S A MOTHERS CROSS TO BEAR, I'M
GLAD I'M NOT A MOM, I COULDN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE.
IF ANYONE WANTS TO THROW SOME FILET MIGNON MY
WAY HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME...:)

SELF LOVE...

ACCORDING TO THE STATS ON MASTERBATION
100% OF MEN DO IT, VERSES 92% OF WOMEN.
I WOULD NEVER ADMIT TO IT,I PREFER TO SAY
SOMETIMES I CHECK THINGS OUT,TO SEE IF
THEY'RE STILL WORKING PROPERLY.;)

THEY SAY TO FEEL ON YOUR BREAST TO MAKE
SURE YOU HAVE NO LUMPS,THEN PROP YOURSELF
UP AND LOOK AT YOUR VAGINA IN A MIRROR.
I CAN SEE HOW THAT CAN LEAD TO A SELF LOVE SITUATION
JUST THINKING ABOUT, I'M FEELING A LITTLE HOT!

I KIND OF GLANCED AT IT AT FIRST, THEN I TOLD MYSELF
HEY! IT'S EVERYWHERE I GO. SO I GAVE IT A GOOD LOOK
DAMN IT'S PRETTIER THAN I COULD EVER IMAGINE.
IT'S YOUR FRIEND,IT WANTS TO MAKE YOU HAPPY,
DAMN! I'VE HAD A BEST FRIEND ALL THIS TIME,
I'M GOING TO START TAKING CARE OF MY FRIENDS,
IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

GOTTA GO NOW MY NEW BEST FRIEND IS CALLING.:)

A PAIN IN THE ASS...

THE DAY STARTED OUT GREAT,
THE BIRDS WERE SHINING AND
THE SUN WAS SINGING.

I WAS MAKING MY EMERGENCY KIT,
JUST IN CASE...CAN GOODS, BEEF JERKEY,
WATER,FLASHLIGHTS,ETC. ENOUGH TO LAST FOR A WEEK
BEFORE I HAVE TO START SNATCHING PURSES AND
ROBBING BANKS.

I WALKED AWAY TO DO WHATEVER AND
CAME BACK AND PLOPPED DOWN ON A CAN
OF ROAST BEEF. GAWD LORDY B. JESUS!
YOU DIDN'T KNOW JESUS MIDDLE INTIAL WAS
B. DID YOU? YOU LEARN SOMETHING EVERYDAY...
I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON, WATCH WHERE YOU
SIT. GAWD ! MY ASS HURT FOR 3 WEEKS, I THINK
I BRUISED MY TAILBONE.

IT WAS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE TO SIT DOWN FOR
WEEKS...AND THAT'S MY FAVORITE THING TO DO.

I DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO THE DOCTOR, NO X-RAYS
OF MY ASS,PLUS IT WOULD BE EMBARRASSING.
I'VE DEALT WITH THE PAIN,IF I HAD A NORMAL
BLACK GIRLS ASS I WOULDN'T HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS.
KIM KARDASHIAN'S ASS,WHAT A GREAT ASS! HER ASS
IS MESMERIZING.YEA SHE'S WHITE,BUT SHE'S AN
EXCEPTION TO THE RULE.
NOT THAT I'M GAY OR ANYTHING...

I HAVE AN AVERAGE WHITE GIRLS ASS,NO CUSHION,
BABY DON'T HAVE BACK,
DAMN MY IRISH ROOTS...:(

TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR...

I TRIED TO LOVE YOU, YOU'RE UNLOVABLE.

I TRIED TO UNDERSTAND YOU,YOU'RE
INCOHERENT.

YOU TALK WHILE I'M TALKING,
WHEN THAT IS DONE NO ONE IS HEARD.
SHUT THE F##K UP AND LEARN SOMETHING...

I TRIED TO MAKE YOU HAPPY,YOUR
CLOCK IS SET ON MISERY.
F##K YOU,F##K YOU,F##K YOU!

SHAKESPEARE HAS NOTHING ON ME!
WASN'T THAT DEEP?
I GOT SKILLS, WHEN IT COMES TO
MATTERS OF THE HEART.
HALLMARK CARDS CALL ME...:)

EMAIL TO OPRAH...

HI OPRAH, I AM DIGGING YOUR READING GLASSES
YOU'RE WEARING LATELY. I LOST MY COOL SUNGLASSES
NOT TO LONG AGO, AND I WAS DEVASTATED. I WEAR READING
GLASSES BUT I LOVE SUNGLASSES,EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T
READ WITH MY SUNGLASSES. BECAUSE IT'S BETTER TO
LOOK COOL THAN TO READ.:)

I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU SEND ME THOSE GLASSES
YOU WEAR ON THE SHOW,THEY ARE WAY COOL...
I'LL WEAR THEM PROUDLY,AND TELL PEOPLE THAT
MY FRIEND OPRAH GAVE THEM TO ME.
I KNOW, I KNOW GAILE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND,
BUT YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY FRIENDS.:)

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND OTHERS, OH GAWD
I JUST QUOTED JERRY SPRINGER...DON'T HOLD THAT
AGAINST ME.
I KNOW YOU'RE VERY BUSY,BUT IT HAS BEEN 2 DAYS
SINCE I EMAILED YOU,I'M NOT THE MOST PATIENT
PERSON IN THE WORLD.

MAYBE WE CAN MAKE A TRADE...LOOKING AROUND MY
SARDINE CAN...I MEAN MY HOME,I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING
YOU WOULD WANT. WAIT A MINUTE...I HAVE A LIMITED
EDITION BOTTLE OF HENNESSY COGNAC HONORING
OBAMA BEING THE 44TH PRESIDENT.
I PLANNED ON KEEPING IT FOR AT LEAST10 YEARS TO
LET IT AGE,BUT THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING I COULD
OPEN THAT BAD BOY ANY MINUTE.

OH YEA, I HAVE A PAIR OF EARPLUGS OBAMA USED EVERY
TIME JOHN McCAIN OPENED UP HIS DUMBASS MOUTH.
DEAL OR NO DEAL?

I HATE TO BRING THIS UP BUT,
REMEMBER BACK IN 1989? YOU
WERE STAYING IN A ROOM DOWN
THE HALL FROM ME. I ACCIDENTALLY
WALKED INTO YOUR ROOM AND WAS
SHOCKED,DISGUSTED, AND KIND OF
TURNED ON.;)

LUCKILY I HAD MY CAMERA ON ME,
YOU FEELING ME? I'LL BE EXEPECTING
MY PACKAGE ANY DAY NOW...KAPEESH!

SORRY IT HAD TO COME TO THIS, BUT I
REALLY WANT THOSE GLASSES.

BY THE WAY...
DON'T FORGET TO EMAIL ME THE TRACKING NUMBER,
I LIKE TO KEEP TRACK OF MY PACKAGES.:)